Kintsugi - A narrative word created for mothers of child loss

In February 2019, a gathering of five mothers was organized in my home. All of these mothers had one thing in common. They had all experienced the death of a child. In an effort to honor the stories and survival skills of these mothers, who had endured the unimaginable, space was created to hear each of their responses to grief, loss and unbearable sorrow. All of these stories were recorded and transcribed so that I could create a living document of these mothers’ survival skills. Once completed, this book would be distributed to other mothers in the community who have lost their child to death.

During our time together, the Mom’s expressed their concern about having no word to describe losing a child. When someone experiences the death of a spouse or partner, they are called a widow or widower. What word could describe to others what these Moms have endured? The word that collectively evolved was KINTSUGI.

KINTSUGI is a Japanese art form that means ‘golden joinery’ (Digh, 2014). It is the art of fixing broken ceramics with a lacquer resin that looks like solid gold. Often a container or piece of china that has been fixed by Kintsugi looks more beautiful and is more cherished than before it was fractured. It becomes a complex treasure. These mothers of child loss believe that gold used in Kintsugi is the richness of their experience as their perspective on life has been transformed. For these Moms, Kintsugi is the story of their child’s life and the heartbreak of their death. Their child is the gold, the precious metal, used to mend the broken pieces of their loss. The complexity of their grief is revealed in the aesthetic beauty of the ‘golden joinery’ of their lives.

If you are a mother who has experienced the death of a child, can you relate to this word Kintsugi? Do you recognize your child as the gold, the precious metal, used to mend the broken pieces of your loss?

“Narrative Responses to Mothers of Child Loss: Honoring the Stories and Survival Skills of Mothers Who Have Experienced the Death of a Child “ is available for free. If you are interested in obtaining a copy, please email or text me at karen@karenmittet.com or 250.880.9363.